It's been awhile since I last updated. Now, I have more time because

PW. IS. OVER!

Damn relieved that this burden has finally been lifted from my life, and it ended off well I might add. So, that's the end of my PW nightmare. Can finally stop feeling so drained.

5N chalet's tmr, but I can't go because I have work ): I want to try to go? For a few hours and for some food haha. If not life's going to be so empty and boring.

Actually I don't really have anyth I want to blog about in particular. Just working my ass off these days so that I'll have money for shopping and good food :D Off days for work yesterday and today didn't prove to be much help to my mental health.

Didn't even get to sleep enough. Almost fell asleep eating my Sakae buffet today lol?! Alright, I will sleep soon, after I find my cardboard.

Haix. I think I might be possibly mad, but I am really looking forward to 2010. New beginnings, you knw the feeling? Clean slates, new records. All over again, for me to do it right this time. Heard that retainees will not be able to take up H3 subjects at the end of next year though. Feel sian, and no I am not being too ambitious.

I'll leave it to my mind on a more clear-headed day.

Goodbye.


Unlocked;
11:14 PM



I survived this crazily hectic week!

This whole week had been filled with PW sessions and work every single day. When I arrived in school today for PW, I was feeling quite stony because I was so tired despite having slept earlier last night. Luckily, I returned to my normal mode after 2 presentations by the other groups.

OP's really taking good shape now. We might just have to rehearse it more often to perfect it. Love our presentation! Received positive comments today except that I tend to be cold and distant (i.e. look fierce with no smile) Haha what you want, that's just my face. And I don't knw how to smile appropriately since I am talking about a worrying trend...

After OP, going to have a smashing celebration at Sakae buffet with 5N. And we all deserve it after slogging for so long. Can't deny that all our presentations are good man. Looking forward! :D

Work today was lots more enjoyable. Most of the time before facing was spent reordering of goods with CK. I don't knw why, I think they are damn funny and strange. It's like they reorder goods almost everyday? Today you spend your time here arranging the stocks in then tmr they take it down and bring it to another place. So confusing and waste resources, like the cable tie! And I feel awkward because CK and I don't talk ._. And I hate to ask him what do I do now lol.

Another person thought that I'm a Malay today. Zzz. I should do what Seow says, wear a necklace that has the word "Chinese" as the pendant. Making more friends now? I don't knw what to do to make myself like, part of them and be included in their conversations. Like I can only laugh or smile by myself at the side when they are chatting. Haix...

I keep mixing up conversation and conservation. Obsessed with PW. Like in my Q&A today I wanted to say conversation but ended up stumbling over the word about three million times, and STILL said conservation after that zzz.

No one seems particularly interested in speaking with me, except for the nice China woman, the blue shirt uncle and the vampire guy? I am disliking my supervisors more ): I think they dislike me too ): Feel like they think I'm very slow or lousy? But she doesn't say it to my face. She tells CK when I'm like standing right there with him, being busy with other things. But it always feels like she has another meaning behind her words. But anyw, I just do what they tell me to, and if I didn't do it correctly, it's not really my fault since no one ever bothered to teach me anyth at all.

I shall do facing faster now and always help the China woman fold clothes in the last hour so that it won't be a mess that my mum has to fold the next morning, and plus stop my supervisor complaining about me! But anyw, even though sometimes I really feel awkward and out of place, I still enjoy my job and the time does pass by faster when I'm busy doing things. Of course, the plus point is that on top of all this, I get money! Have earned about 150 so far for 6 days :D

Off day tmr, finally :D After working straight for 6 days, with PW too. No PW, no floorball, no work tmr. Yaye! Rest time finally.


Unlocked;
12:57 AM



Goodness, madly tired these days. Have been working for 5 days straight, but I almost couldn't take it today. My eyes were literally closing out while I was doing facing of the goods. Zzz. Aching everywhere and my head was drumming, making me feel really uncomfortable.

Work today was sian too, nothing to look forward to after work. No Seow, no Liow, both off day, left me the pathetic soul slogging at GMS. Zzz. GMS very unhappening today too, another customer mistook me for a Malay, bt I think I should just be used to it. No hide-and-seek today either, because CK wasn't there, haha. So overall: DAMN SIAN DAY.

Today, my father went to speak with the school regarding the retain-advance issue. Thought he was in a bad mood since he practically yelled at me to wake up, and was in such a hurry (I don't knw what is the hurry) that I didn't have time to iron my uniform and it was still partially wet because I only hung it up to dry after work last night. Throughout the meeting I was trying to cover up my blouse with my bag lol.

Anyhow, love my father's attitude man. When he heard about the school's idea of advancing me, he totally said "Do you think that's correct?" LOL. But we spoke to Mdm Soh instead, so it was generally quite peaceful. I will be retained as I wish, but she's kind of persuading me to take up H1 math and H2 CSE just because I said I wanted to take Business courses when I enter university.

God, I just want to change History to CSE, that's all. I will cope with H2 math, don't worry man. After today's talk with Mdm Soh and my father, I realised that I have really lost myself throughout the years in the school. Maybe in this one year where I'll aim to catch up and do better than others, I can find myself.

I hate the way they think I just cannot do well in math and thus trying to convince me that H1 math is the best way to go. It is true that I have never done well in my math but after all this, if I still could believe that I can make it if I really tried, why stop me? Even telling me the speculations that I might only get a maximum grade of C for math in A levels is not going to deter me.

I need to prove my worth. You knw, I'll be better than this.


Unlocked;
12:15 AM



Wow I finally have some time to come and update.
Life's been crazily hectic for the past few days because my work at Giant had started officially.

Routine for the past few days:
7am: Wake up
9-1pm: In school for PW
1-4pm: Buffer time for PW/transport/lunch
5-10pm: Work
11pm: Dinner (What a mad time to eat, like I'm munching on a prawn now...)
11-2am: PW
2-7am: Sleep

Crazy much? Haven't had sufficient sleep ever since god-knws-when. Feel damn chui everyday before going to bed and after I wake up. But after this week, things are going to get lighter because PW will stop taking up so much of my time. Glad that our OP has taken shape. On to the intensive rehearsing now!

Yesterday on the way home, I was stuck in the huge rain for super long. Resulting in me having no time at all to rest when I get home. I literally reached home, dried myself, change into my work uniform and went out again. Madness.

Anyw, about my job in Giant. I work in the General Merchandise Department, mostly to clean and arrange the items properly, and tag on missing price labels. This is damn cool to do! My fellow colleagues are helpful and friendly people, and they always answer my questions patiently, because I am such a noob who doesn't knw anyth when customers ask me something. Haha.

So far, I'm enjoying my job, minus the fact that it ends rather late and there's still PW to do when I get home. I learn a lot from everyone everyday. I just hope for PW to be over quickly so I can stop being so chui. Plus arrange to work in the morning shift so that I can make it for Wednesday trainings.

Both Seow and Liow also on the same shift as I am but we work on different floors. Seow has a tough time haha. Liow complains a lot. So do I. LOL. If you come by Pioneer Mall Giant, can come look for us haha. Seow's the cashier and Liow's around the fruits and vegetables. I should be around irons and rice cookers ._.

Feel that life has more meaning. Feel good about my groups's OP, love trainings, love my job. Can''t get much better :D

Off for PW now.

[edit] Oh yes, I want to add that, a lot of cutomers at Giant think that I am a Malay. Like wow, I didn't knw I was that tanned.

Case #1: Last night, two Chinese women came to me to ask about the price of some washing detergent. One of them started rattling off in broken English, which I couldn't really understand. After that I said "There is only this." in Chinese then the woman said "你是华人啊!"

Case #2: Today, a Malay man walked towards me with some product. And starts rattling off in Malay. Thinking he can't speak English well, like many other customers, I tried to pick out key words. There were none. Seeing my blank look, the man went, in English "Oh, you're not a Malay?!"

.Zzz thanks man.. [/edit]


Unlocked;
11:21 PM



心里有点乱...
时间不够了吗?


Unlocked;
12:10 PM



Even though the WR had just been put to bed yesterday, the OP is already here to haunt me. My class had not started any official consultation sessions for OP, no reviews or anyth yet. But we're expected to be having a rehearsal on Monday's meeting already. Crazy much?

Maybe I can just conveniently forget about my I&R. Trademark probably wouldn't get around to reviewing it anyway.

And, don't ask me why is my blog skin so dark or emo. I just have a fetish for swirly patterns, and yeah dark skins.

Floorball was tiring today. Almost got killed by PT, it always turns my legs to jelly. Training was less tiring than the previous session, but still too tough for comfort. Am quite glad that I am enjoying myself greatly during trainings despite the difficult times. Will become stronger.

Am supposed to go for Great Eastern Women 10k Run CIP in about 3 hours' time. But my parents wouldn't hear of the idea of my sleeping over at Wenyi's place. Which is really, so irritating considering I am already 17 years old. So will just sleep enough, do my OP slides, and prepare for my first day of work tmr at 5pm. Going to have lunch with Liow after his shift :D

----

Feel like many things are in a mess. I just have to endure another 2 weeks or so of endless PW, and I would be liberated. But I am still worrying about the retain-advance issue. I am getting so irritated at both the school and my father. One for insisting to meet up when there is really no point at all, and the other for arranging and rearranging the date and time for so long and making my life so damn tough.

I don't even care about what they want to do to me, or whatever. You want me to retain? I'll retain. You want me to advance? Then I'll advance. There is really nothing much to discuss about it, it is so simple and straight forward. My father is skeptical that with my DDSSU results the school would allow me to advance. Well, just you wait and see what they tell you during the meeting. Told you things are screwed.

Judging from what my friends say about the meeting, it is really just pointless. I wonder what is stopping you from making a decision right now, then and there. It's just one word, what are you even considering? Why must you take another 2 months to consider? It's my life. And you think it is right to push us ahead and leave us to fend for ourselves when we obviously don't have the ability to? That just about sums you up. I don't stand to take shit which screws my life.

Whatever it is, I really don't knw whether I am supposed to have my own thinking and perceptions anymore, and I guess I have thrown them out the window because now I don't knw and don't care about what I want anymore.

Tired of drama. Close the curtains please.


Unlocked;
12:12 AM



Finally, the wretched WR is completed and submitted. Days and nights of consultations and slogging are over. Or has it not? The routine of the past few days had been PW in the early morning, work in the afternoon till evening, and PW at night, then the cycle repeats. Haven't had sufficient sleep at all for the past few nights.

At least it is over. But then it's on to OP now. We have not even started much, and I have conveniently neglected my I&R for the WR. Zzz. And I think I'm going to sleep my worth after floorball training tmr since I am starting work on Sunday. Don't want myself to overwork.

Feel like I'm being sucked into the black hole of fatigue. Do you knw what it's like? When you close your eyes, you feel like you're falling through space, and it's spinning, spinning.. And the feeling is so immense you don't want to ever open your eyes again. I am going to sleep right after I post this before I turn into a zombie/panda.

In the past few days, I'd felt frustrated, hopeless, overwhelmed, relieved, resolved, but mostly, just plain tired. You knw, shit does happen. But it forced me to come to terms with my temper and just try to rely on ourselves for abit. And you knw what? We made it, but we will never trust you again.

Anyw, I want to say that, my group members are really committed and responsible. I feel much more fortunate after today. Good job people, last lap to go!

Goodnight my whole world, just fade out and let me sleep till 7am tmr.


Unlocked;
10:00 PM